Why intuitive, empathic people often date narcissists?
In this video, we will talk about why intuitive, empathic people and narcissists attract and how to develop better skills and boundaries so that your sensitivity to your superpower doesn’t become your Kryptonite.
I’ll share some tools and ways to spot these different patterns and how to develop better relationships with ourselves and our Spirit to better navigate the dating world and the actual world at large.
If you’re an intuitive or empathic person, chances are you have probably run across a narcissist.
Maybe you’ve been in a romantic relationship with them. Maybe they’ve been a friend, perhaps they’re even a family member. So why do these two opposites attract?
It might not even necessarily be a narcissist, but somebody who might even have narcissistic tendencies.
So intuitive, empathic people are really sensitive. They’re sensitive to the vibration around them and to people’s emotions. They’re super compassionate and giving oftentimes to a fault, and that is like a radar for narcissists.
Narcissists are people who are really obsessed with themselves. They often create a lot of chaos. They don’t take responsibility or accountability. They get into a lot of different stories, and they are wounded.
We have to remember that they have their own hurt, and as empathic, intuitive people, often, if we’re not aware or grounded in our bodies or we don’t have our own healthy boundaries, there can be underlying tendencies of people pleasing or trying to fix solve or manage someone else’s chaos.
This creates a power imbalance where empathic, intuitive people can understand why. They can understand the hurt, and they can understand the chaos. We try to make sense and justify bad behavior that becomes a lot of acts of tiny self-betrayal.
As soon as there is an injury, whether it’s a chaotic fight, whether it’s an attack on a character, whether there’s blaming or shaming, if empathic intuitive people don’t have a good sense of yourself and of your boundaries, which means what is my true yes and what is my true no? What am I available to? We often can unconsciously take on the emotional burden and think that if we try harder, understand more, and be more patient, then we can fix this other person.
In reality, we have to remember that we are only in control of ourselves.
Part of our beauty is that we can see people’s Spirit, emotions, and pain, but we have to remember that it’s not our responsibility to try and rescue them.
Our responsibility is to honor our Spirit and the Spirit of the people we are in a relationship with by having healthy boundaries, knowing what we’re available to, not overgiving, and not taking in blame and shame.
From what I’ve seen from my practice and even in my own life, empathic, intuitive people often go to more information, understanding, extraordinary patience, and giving people with horrible behavior patterns a permission slip they haven’t earned.
With that, we must remember that that creates not only a pattern but can also create a dynamic. When we try and see people from that place of our compassionate heart, seeing what could be and what they could be, we get caught up in fantasy instead of being grounded in the reality of what is.
So, first of all, pay attention to the wisdom of your own body. Your vibes speak to you through that portal.
So if it doesn’t feel right, stop and notice before trying to figure it out in our intellect.
Is this a pattern is this a pattern of over-responsibility?
Do I have to understand too much?
Have I said yes to things I don’t want to?
Have I excused bad behavior?
Do I have space to have feelings?
Do I have space to say that this doesn’t work for me?
Does that create a lot of drama?
When we’re empathic, chaos and fighting can raise our alarms and make us feel like we’re in danger.
We must remember that just because we’re uncomfortable doesn’t mean we’re in danger.
Slowing down enough to give ourselves permission to say, does this align with my Spirit? Am I trying to understand while abandoning my core self?
This also comes to some simple energetic boundaries because when we are engaged with somebody who’s narcissistic or has narcissistic tendencies or who is an agent of chaos, they use that chaos to confuse us and to leave us in a feeling of where we are as a way to abandon ourselves.
So first, know what your true yes and what is your true no.
Know that in setting boundaries, which means can I tolerate somebody else’s discomfort? Or does that give way to patterns of overgiving to overly understanding?
So, we also have to tolerate being within our bodies and knowing that discomfort is just an emotion that will pass. It’s not a reason to abandon ourselves, our Spirit, and our values.
Narcissists sense the sensitivity, and that becomes pride.
Affirm who you are by your actions. This helps us to develop a catcher’s myth between ourselves and life. I Know Who I Am by what I do, which tells us a lot.
Know that relationships go both ways. Nothing is all your fault. That is not true, and any chorus or belief of that is a way that you are either manipulating or gaslighting yourself or a good recognition of low self-esteem. Low self-esteem also puts us into patterns of betrayal and ways of trying to be loved.
So, instead of trying to find love outside of ourselves, we can start to foster that connection with our Spirit within.
Know and name what you know about yourself to be true. Name what you love about yourself. Name what you’re proud of.
As we start to recognize this and affirm, that allows us to start to Live From the Inside Out. I know who I am. I don’t need your approval or permission.
And knowing that anything that takes away too much of your energy leaves you in chaos, confusion, and ungrounded is a big red flag.
So, if you’ve identified any of these patterns, I recommend that you do some work around your own ideas of self-esteem and self-love.
There’s also a wonderful book by Terri Cole called Boundary Boss. This is an empath and an intuitive’s best friend. We need good boundaries to navigate all relationships in the world around us.
Please know that you are not abandoning anyone. Just because you can understand somebody’s pain doesn’t give them permission or cartilage to act however they want, no matter their history.
You always deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and even when conversations are difficult, those rules still apply.
Give yourself permission to walk away from anything that does not feed your Spirit. Walk away from anything that does not feel good. Know that that is not abandonment but actual attestment of self-love.
If you’re struggling and find yourself in these different patterns in any relationship, I also implore you to get a good therapist.
Having a good therapist in our corner who can help us unpack childhood trauma or other tools or systems that might be rewiring our brain that believes in narcissistic abusive behavior that we confuse for love.
And you can use that same empathic, loving, compassionate heart for yourself.
Be extraordinarily forgiving and patient. Forgive yourself for any red flags that you’ve noticed. Forgive yourself for any ways that you’ve betrayed or not honored your own Spirit.
Each decision you make makes a huge ripple effect, and even recognizing this dynamic creates change within.
I hope you enjoyed this blog, and let me know if you’re an intuitive who ever dated a narcissist.
I have experienced this, and it took me a while to recognize it before I got out of it.
So, know that there is a road to healing and recovery. That doesn’t mean that you have not to be sensitive. It means we must be sensitive to ourselves and our experiences instead of just for others.
I’m sending you all my love and see you next week. Bye!