I have a bone to pick with the law of attraction or more clearly the misunderstanding that most have of the law of attraction.

The law of attraction states that what you focus on, you create. So if you focus on positive things, you’ll have positive outcomes. If you focus on negative things, you’ll have negative outcomes. Now that’s only half the story.

When we get so caught up in this very binary idea of good, bad, right, wrong, all or nothing, not only do we end up shaming ourselves, get stuck in spiritual bypassing, and further disconnect from our spirit and ourselves, but we create a lot more internal turmoil.

I see this so often with my clients, so I’m sharing some tools with you to help you reframe your understanding of the law of attraction and bring in more grace and compassion so that you can use the law of attraction with ease.

The law of attraction misses a lot of different things.

First of all, we get stuck in this binary of good, bad, right, wrong, all or nothing, and what happens when we misunderstand the law of attraction is we end up policing our own thoughts.

That I can’t have negative thoughts because I will create that as my reality. Any uncomfortable emotions around sadness, fear, or overwhelm will create my reality.

That’s only part of the story, but the thing is, when we end up policing our thoughts, getting stuck in this binary, what happens is we only allow ourselves this much of an experience.

That emotions that are uncomfortable are bad. They’re not.

Strong emotions tell us what’s important to us. They tell us our values, which are key insights into allowing more grace, self-compassion, and kindness for ourselves.

If we’re really struggling to want to create a partner and we’re feeling lonely and sad. Maybe you’re feeling left out. You’re not failing because you’re not being positive. In reality, it’s just telling you that there are human parts of yourself that are feeling overwhelmed or afraid, and instead of having to break them down or control them or be positive, they’re these human parts of ourselves that need reassurance.

Not reassurance from our intellect or from the part of ourselves that gets information but from our spirit. Our deeper selves that can hold all of these uncomfortable parts that can be kind and generous and reassure our humanness.

I see this a lot with my clients. I have been mentoring and working on readings. I’ve been doing reading with people for years, and often, people say I’ve been studying a lot of attraction. I’m trying to raise my vibe. I’m trying to do all these things. What am I doing wrong?

They often come up with the idea that they need to try harder. That there’s something intrinsically wrong with themselves because they’re not being positive enough.

No, that’s not it at all.

So, first of all, let’s look at us as human beings on an evolutionary level. We are hardwired with something called the negativity bias.

The negativity bias was something that when we were cavemen way long ago, we used to look out for danger, for cyber tooth tigers, for poison, and things for warring tribes, so our minds are constantly looking for what’s not right.

Now we don’t have to fight saber-toothed tigers so often that negativity bias gets turned onto ourselves. That we’re not enough. That we need to do more. That we’re not being positive enough.

And that’s not true.

Negativity bias can also be looked at as a key. These pain points that show up tell us what our true desires are. What are the things that are important to us? What are our values? And that can be a way that we can use to navigate the world to navigate our compass.

Second, when we shift our mind from the simple law of attraction to this idea, I have to police my thoughts like only positive things create positive. Negative things create negative.

We can say, what is our perspective? How are we looking at the world?

There’s a saying that if you’re a hammer, everything’s a nail. 

If we get so caught up in negativity bias, we can end up unconsciously being negative about ourselves and about worldview.

I’m sure you’ve spent time with somebody who’s perpetually negative and how it brings down the vibration and infects our energetic bodies.

But if we can look and change that negativity bias and say, I’m going to notice the things that I’m feeling sad about or that I’m feeling stressed about and not spiritually bypass with a lot of attraction, but I can use this to start to shift my perspective to what I’m grateful for.

What are the things that are working in my life as a practice?

When we can start to shift from what’s not working to what’s working, and that might be that you’re grateful for your cup of coffee, that might be that you’re grateful for the sunshine today, that might be that you’re grateful for your friends or your family or even this moment of difficulty.

What happens is we start to raise our vibration, and as we raise our vibration, we start to erase our frequency.

So a simple gratitude practice helps us shift from having to police our thoughts to be able to change our perspective. There are things that are not working and things that are working.

The other thing that the law of attraction states is what you focus on, you create.

That’s true. If your attention is constantly on the negative, that’s the lens you’ll see through. Everything will feel negative, but when we can start to shift instead of looking at the world through our limited selves, through our ego intellect and place our attention not on our limited human experience but place that attention on our spirit, our divine self, and our higher self. That is where we can see clearly. We can see our emotions. Give us information that our thoughts are just passers-by, just visitors, but that our spirit is the one that is clear seeing.

That is a big way that we can shift from this incredible amount of responsibility that the law of attraction puts on us in. policing ourselves.

We don’t need to police ourselves. You don’t need to police your thoughts. You don’t need to not have a negative thoughts. That’s crazy!

But recognize that it’s not my limited self that I’m going to turn things over from my spirit. Maybe I’m having a difficult emotion and then turning itself, “Okay, that’s my human experience. What does my spirit say? How does my spirit see this?

And when we focus and shift that attention from ourselves to our higher selves, we can start to see clearly.

Put our attention in our heart space, not in our minds.

A simple way to tune in in these moments is gratitude practice. The second is using that place of compassion. My favorite tool ever. Hand on your heart, hand on your belly, taking a deep breath in through your nose. Exhaling out your mouth like you’re exhaling 10 birthday candles and dropping your attention to your heart space, and that’s where you can start to feel your spirit.

The more that you place your attention on your spirit that resides in the present moment, the more that naturally, your attention will shift from the chattering of the day to your higher self

Last but not least, when we get so caught up in doing the law of attraction right.

What happens is we get stuck in our intellect. It has a telltale sign. It uses words like should, have to, must, it’s black, white, all or nothing, good or bad, and shames ourselves to motivate ourselves.

But shame is not a good motivator.

So when we recognize that our intellect is limited and that it’s just trying to protect ourselves, we can turn ourselves over. We can turn the things we want over to our higher self and connect to our heart space.

What are the things that you love? What are the things you’re grateful for and use as an anchor. It naturally raises our vibration. It easily gets us out of black-and-white thinking. It gets us out of self-policing.

Shaming the idea that we’re not enough, that we’re not trying hard enough, that you’re not manifesting your reality because you’re not doing it right.

All of those are big telltale signs that you’re in your intellect.

So what are the things that you desire?

Notice that your emotions, the important things, things that feel that are strong, are the things that give you good information and that your limited ego human self can’t navigate at all.

We can use prayer as a way to turn things.

Overuse gratitude as a way to anchor into our heart space, raise our vibration, and give our human parts compassion and grace that you are enough. You are loved, and the things that are meant for you are coming your way.

Then we can encompass all of it instead of having this law of attraction end up being a shame fast.

I hope that this is an invitation for more kindness and grace for all of you and i hope that you use this to actually put your attention on your spirit every day by placing a hand in your heart hand on your belly using your attention to give your attention to your higher self.

And when you’re struggling with those moments of doubt or insecurity or even just criticism that that’s just your intellect and it’s not the whole story.

It’s not what you’re doing wrong, but start to recognize what you’re doing right and how that will naturally instantly shift your vibration. Shift your focus and create more grace and allow yourself to attract with ease.

Please leave me a comment and let me know your questions. I love to hear from you, and as always, head to my website, soniatully.com, where I have a spirit-type quiz. I have all sorts of resources and meditations to connect with your spirit guides, or if you feel so called, work with me. I do soul readings where we see what’s going on right now, maybe what’s unconsciously blocking your path, and answering your burning questio. Check out my podcast with my mom and my sister.

So remember that you are a gift.

I’m sending you all my love. Trust your vibes always and in all ways,
Sonia