The Sacred Spiritual Gifts of Jealousy

I know that might sound strange because we've been taught that jealousy is a shameful emotion.

But when we can connect back to our spirit, we can use jealousy as a key for transformation, so today I’m going to share with you why jealousy is important, what its function is how to transmute feelings of jealousy into joy, why jealousy is a protective mechanism from our ego intellect and also simple tools to heal and connect you back with your spirit.

We’ve all been there. Maybe you’re sitting at your work at a job that you absolutely hate when you hear that your friend has gotten a promotion at your dream company, or you’re stuck at home watching on Instagram as a friend or family member or even stranger lives a fantasy vacation that you’ve always dreamed of.

All of a sudden, envy starts to creep up. We begin to feel jealous. This green-eyed monster and then shame because we’re told that it’s not okay to be jealous. That there’s something inherently wrong with it.

But I really want to use this blog to recognize that there are a lot of gifts in jealousy. It’s a messenger, and if we can use not our intellect and ego but instead pay attention to our spirit, heart space, and deeper selves, jealousy gives us a pathway to healing.

First, I want to say that jealousy comes from pain.

We fail to recognize that in our society and the spiritual world, we often shame ourselves or the people around us for jealousy. You shouldn’t be jealous, but if we can start to refrain, that jealousy is telling us something.

If you’re jealous of a coworker, maybe there’s a place where you have continually felt that you have been passed up and that you haven’t been seen.

Maybe you’re in a relationship, and your partner has some new friends, and you are feeling jealous of the attention that they’re getting.

Maybe you go over to a friend’s house, see their big beautiful house, and come back to your little apartment and feel jealous that you don’t have the same thing.

Well, it’s not that you’re doing anything wrong. It’s first saying and recognizing that this is a pain point.

There may be a place in your life in your relationships from long ago where you felt overlooked, or maybe you had relationships in your family with your siblings or your parents where you continually didn’t feel like the priority. You didn’t feel like you could share in their attention.

Maybe in being jealous of somebody’s home, there’s some fear that what you have is something you’ll never be attainable. It’s never enough that you weren’t lucky.

But when we can reframe jealousy as a pain point. Something where this hurts. This is hurting my ego intellect. My human experience is hurting.

We can breathe in and start to recognize and have some self-compassion.

Shame and jealousy go hand in hand. Once we feel jealous, we often isolate ourselves because, in this spiritual society, it’s an unacceptable emotion, but when we can reframe that place of jealousy as pain. Like there are parts of myself that are in pain, hurt, wounded, that is a doorway to really important information.

The ego intellect loves to judge, but our emotions are important because they tell us what are the things that we value, and what are the things that matter to us.

And emotions arise in our body, and those sensations that show up like jealousy might be tightness in your jar, in your shoulders, maybe in your solar plexus.

What happens is our ego intellect doesn’t want to sit with our feelings. So it goes back into story and old patterns. Old stories that repeat over and over and over again. Narratives that are outworn. That I’ll never be picked, that I’m never important enough, that I’ll never be able to achieve the excess success I want.

And where we can use that as a portal is, first and foremost, self-compassion. When we connect to self-compassion and even just saying, “Wow, like that hurts. There’s a part of me that’s hurting.” We immediately start to invite in the grace of our spirit; we begin to invite in the grace of our heart space, and from there, we can begin to transmute and change that energy from something that’s negative or not good or where you’re not trying hard enough to a place of love and patience and understanding.

When we have to navigate difficult emotions, it’s important that we give ourselves patience.

Patience is being connected to our feeling. Body patience is being connected to different sensations.

Know how our ego intellect and how our human self likes to make sense of the world is through stories that pull from the past, so this shows and signals to you where you have unhealed wounds, where there are parts of yourself that need recognition. Emotions that need validation so that we can move that in a really important way.

Maybe you want a partner, and your best friend just got engaged, and you feel jealous. You’re like, “Ohh god, I want that to be me, and I want to be happy for her, but it’s hard for me to be happy for her. I’m in pain.”

Second, where do I feel that in my body? Do I feel it in my jaw? Do I feel it in my gut? Can I focus my attention there? Can I sit with the sensation?

And instead of thinking our feelings, where our minds will jump back up, “Oh, let’s go back into the story,” Can I take a breath?

Bring my intention back to that sensation and even my favorite tool in the whole wide world, one hand on my heart, one hand on my belly, and start to invite in my deeper support system, anchoring into home number one.

Second of all, the critical thing that we have to recognize is that jealousy loves information.

It’s a function of the ego intellect because it compares.

Comparison is the thief of joy. When we compare, it will never feel like enough.

It’s one of the most dangerous things about Instagram. It happens to me all the time. I remember not that long ago; I got sucked into some ladies insta curated Instagram page. Beautiful house, beautiful husband, living the life and all these things, and suddenly, I felt jealous, and then I recognized I just wanted more information. I wanted to keep scrolling.

First, I had to recognize that I was telling myself a story and that ego intellect wants to have all of those tiny details. You’ll notice it when you’re jealous of a girlfriend, job, or something like that. You’ll see that it goes for all. It wants more and more and more and more information.

It reminds me of when I was a kid at school, and there was a classmate of mine who all the boys wanted today, and all I wanted more than anything in the whole wide world was a boyfriend, but one of the boys in class told me that all of the girl and all the boys had a huge crush on my friend. For me, at the time, I was flat-chested, so I was not somebody that was really considered cute.

Now it just crushed me, and so what I would do is I would look at my friend. I would notice her beautiful hair and her smile and her personality and all these things, and where it showed me, again and again, was in lack because I wasn’t her.

The ego intellect compares. The difference is from ego to spirit. Ego says how we are different, while spirit says how are we the same.

So when we can recognize that thirst for just continual information, we also have to recognize that what happens is we tell ourselves a fantasy which is the story.

About the Instagram lady, I had a fantasy about her life that had no basis in reality, and that story made me feel bad.

So one, notice the sensations. Notice what I wanted. I knew a new home that was something that I really wanted. A space where I can create for myself and then recognize that when I get out of my head and they connect to my spirit because ego, intellect, and jealousy will say there’s not enough.

But there’s more than enough. There’s plenty. There’s an abundance. There’s plenty of room at the table for everyone.

And jealousy also gives us a good clue on what it is that we desire and what do we want.

If we can practice deeper listening and not shame and judge ourselves for having a difficult emotion. A moment but right now, it’s a signal.

If you’re jealous of your friend’s promotion, you may want a new job. If you’re jealous of a relationship your friend’s relationship, then you know that’s something that you want and where we can l even start to turn it over to our higher selves.

Pray to our angels. It doesn’t have to be any spiritual prayer but just asking for help outside of our limited human selves, and as we do that, not only do we start to invite in more grace, but we can see that when we’re jealous have compassion for ourselves which then allows us grace.

Then we can start to practice joy for others because the more we practice joy for others’ generosity of spirit, the more it raises our own vibration, creating more happiness within ourselves.

Last but not least, if you’re feeling jealous and really jealous, you’re struggling with this. Be compassionate. Go slow. There is nothing wrong.

This is a key messenger and an opportunity for healing.

This is an opportunity for recognizing that there’s more than enough and that you are enough. The things that you desire and the things that are meant for you will not pass you by.

We can get out of our heads. Get out of our narration and get back into our heart space, where we connect to our spirit, ourselves, physical bodies, and life.

We are safe and valued, and we can trust the unfolding and the timing, even if it isn’t ours, and always have gratitude. Practicing gratitude shifts our mindset from what we lack to what we do have.

It is a powerful practice. That’s what I do every night before going to bed. I go through my day and think about the things I’m grateful for, and it’s a way to remember.

We do have a negativity bias if we’re like, what’s not working and using a bit of humor. Because things are serious, but it doesn’t mean that we can’t break apart that ego intellect that takes life too seriously.