Here are some simple tools to help you and recognize why you don't need to overcome fear but learn not to let it be the driver of your life.
Distinguish anxiety and fearful thinking from actual intuition and how to make decisions in the present moment that will help you build those core muscles so that you can build more confidence in yourself and your intuition.
How do I overcome fear and doubt so that I can trust my intuition?
This is a question that my clients often ask me in my mentoring, and today, we’re going to talk about how we can use fear and listen to what’s underneath fear so it’s not the driver of our lives.
I often see that so many of my clients get obvious, intuitive guidance. They know that it’s time to ask for that promotion to go for that trip to get out of that relationship, but fear keeps them stuck.
And instead of taking action, they keep getting into trying to figure it out, which keeps them stuck in these patterns and these cycles.
How do we get out of it? How do I move from fear to flow? How do I better trust myself, my intuition, and my spirit to create the life I want?
Fear is a biological evolutionary tool that we’ve had to keep our us safe
Fear often shows up when we are asked to step into the unknown, and fear often tries to protect us from being uncomfortable or change or from looking stupid or making mistakes.
Fear is a really powerful tool from our ego intellect. Our intellect and ego are sort of a protective bubble, and how it looks at the world is me versus you, and you scare me. It tries to keep us safe, but the only information that it has access to is like a teeny tiny peephole, and it often goes back into our lives and looks at stories that repeat over and over again. It hijacks our imagination for the worst-case scenario, so we end up usually getting stuck in these cycles of overthinking or even wishful thinking instead of heeding the call from within and taking action.
So, the first thing we must recognize about fear is that it’s an important emotion, but if fear is the main driver of your life, it will always:
First, it never is in your best interest. It rarely makes decisions that are actually in your best interest.
Two, when we’re in fear, it’ll often make our worlds small. We will stay at a job that’s not right for us or a relationship that’s not right for us. It will tell us that those calls from within are dangerous when instead, they’re just asking us to do something different.
Intuition, because it is the voice of your spirit of your innate Divine self, it often brings in something new or different. It’ll ask you to do something outside of your normal wheelhouse, and because it’s your innate Divine self, it’ll always guide you to your highest good, even if it’s uncomfortable – often if it’s uncomfortable. A sign that we know that we’re growing is that we are uncomfortable.
It’s not about overcoming fear but learning to dance with it and not letting it be the one to make decisions.
When we’re in fear, we often try to reason ourselves out about or tell ourselves that we shouldn’t be feeling that way, which can lead to shame and feeling like we should be Fearless. Like I shouldn’t be feeling this way, and that compresses everything within us and pops our spirit out of our body and the present moment to choose.
When we look at and make decisions out of fear, everything is predictable.
It’s safe, but it also is what will suffocate ourselves in life. It’s like a Tempur-Pedic pillow.
So, the first thing that we have to notice is that fear talks a lot.
It uses a lot of words like if, should, have to, and must. It tries to come up with every single outcome that could happen when in reality, we have to remember that we don’t know.
When we start to recognize and open into, I don’t know, not as a bad or dangerous thing but as a place of curiosity, we can start to breathe into fear, and that’s where it becomes an adventure.
I want to tell you a story of when I graduated from college. Two of my friends invited me on a trip to Southeast Asia, and I started in Vietnam. My friends arrived before me, so I arrived in Ho Chi Minh City by myself late at night. I showed up at the hostel I had booked, and they didn’t have my reservation. I called my dad, freaking out, and he finally found me a hotel. I got to the hotel, and the next day, I reached out to my friends to meet up with them. They had taken a bus to the next city. Now, fear paralyzed me. My fear thought, oh my goodness, they didn’t really want me to come, and they ditched me. Then my fear was like, “Wow, then I’m gonna go do this by myself.” Then my fear said well, maybe you should go home. This is too big of a thing, and all of these narratives were just rolling around in my head of all the possibilities that were not true, so I had to make a decision.
I went for a walk and entered a little restaurant by myself. I was afraid to order, afraid to make a mistake, afraid to order the wrong thing, but instead, I just took a deep breath and made a decision to act even though I had fear. At that moment, my intuition told me to get underneath all that chattering noise of a little rotisserie chicken on a spit, and it just said go for it.
After that, I booked my bus ticket to meet them despite being afraid. I got on the bus even though I was afraid and ended up having a really amazing adventure filled with so many different synchronicities, so many different possibilities, and so many different things that reminded me that if I had let fear be in charge, I would have been on the first plane back home.
We need to recognize that fear is often a place where we need compassion.
The first thing that happens when we’re in fear is that we cut off our breath.
We end up in here. So the first thing we can do is just notice that I’m in fear. I’m in a lot of chatter. Then, start by taking a deep breath. Imagine breathing up through your feet and exhaling like you’re exhaling ten birthday candles. We can do that even a few more times, which drops us back into the present moment.
Second, recognizing that fear tells a lot of stories.
The stories it told me were mean, and my friends didn’t want me. That I made a huge mistake and was in over my head, but the interesting thing about fear is when we listen to what’s underneath, it first says, am I really in danger? Kow that it often points us to those opportunities to grow, to get out of our comfort zone. Instead of fighting against or running away from it, we can start to lean into those different experiences. They become our doorways for growth.
Third, we can look at these different experiences and put them into practice. Like if you are afraid of asking for a promotion, we can breathe into that and practice.
I’m going to practice, and I’m going to be open, and instead of assuming what I know the outcome is going to be, I’m just going to show up there. The more we can make little itty bitty teeny tiny decisions of practicing with fear when they aren’t huge but the stakes aren’t so high, the more we become more flexible and build our intuitive muscles to start to make those bigger leaps.
One thing of really getting clear of what you are afraid of, the more that we can get clear on what our minds are telling us.
Then we can start to ask, is that true?
Is it true that if I ask my boss for a promotion, is he gonna yell at me? Probably not.
If I take this new job, is it out of my wheelhouse? Probably not.
We can start to give voice to what those fears are. If you start to say them out loud, you can start to pay attention to the vibration. You can start to ask yourself, is that actually true?
That’s where we can build that place of our inner confidence for ourselves and make those choices.
Recognize that fear is often the gateway to growth: our greatest spirit and soul desire.
We can’t confuse fear with reality even though fear feels real, but is that true?
Where can we create more space? Internal space.
Where can we create more choice and where can we lean into discomfort as a friend and learn to dance with it instead of fight against it.
Remember to breathe and also move your energy. This is a good tool to help us get out of overthinking and back into our bodies.
Naming what we’re afraid of in clear terms aloud allows us to define and ask if that is true. Is that a story that comes from my past? Can I be open to something new coming in and finally making a choice to be uncomfortable, recognizing that we’re not in danger?
I hope that you enjoyed this blog. If You did, leave me a comment.
What do you do to help calm and quiet the anxieties that start to show up for yourself?
I will see you next week, sending all my love. Bye!