Toxic friendships. This can be a plague to intuitive people. 

I’ve seen it in my own life. I have seen it in the lives of my clients. I have seen it out in the world very much.

What I find to be true is that oftentimes intuitive people are incredibly compassionate and empathic. They are very giving. They are very accepting and curious. They are healers. 

They, in their core, want to help, and these are part of our gifts. This is some of our magic, our sensitivity to the world 

But if it’s not protected and paid attention to, that beautiful set of gifts can also become our Achilles heel.

The other thing about intuitive people is they’re really good at being responsible and taking responsibility in relationships.

When I look back on my own life, for a long time, I had a best friend when I was young who was a toxic friend. Every single time we would do things together. She would end up competing with me for boys. For school. For anything.

At one point, there was a boy that liked me, and this was way way way back in the day, and she actually ended up secretly dating that person. Toxic. Boo.

But I remained her friend for a very long time, and there are a few more reasons.

I saw her spirit. She was kind and funny. She was super smart. She had a lot of wonderful things about her, but she never wanted me to be above her. She wanted never wanted me to succeed as much as she always wanted to keep me just a little bit below her.

And so, for years, we were really close until all of a sudden, I realized that my intuitive self, my nurturing, compassionate, sensitive self, didn’t necessarily correspond to a confident self that my inner child and my other places, my wounds permitted this bad behavior through the guise of being loving. Through the guise of being caring.

And I was trying to be loving and caring, but at the same time, that care and love that I showed in that relationship weren’t reflected back to me.

So when I finally realized this, I didn’t have to make a big how to do if we have to end this relationship, but I just slowly backed away.

Which was okay because in the moment of that life that’s our lives were diverging.

But it was a good reminder that, first of all, as intuitive, sensitive people we have to ask ourselves:

1.  Are the people that we’re with lift us up or bring us down?
2. Do they support and champion you, or do they pooh-pooh on your dreams?
3. Can you talk to them about the things important to your heart space, your needs, and what you care about or not?
4. Can you be direct with them? Can you give them direct feedback if somebody hurts your feelings 
5.  Are you confident enough to be truthful?

What I found in my last relationship that was pretty toxic is that every time there was bad behavior, what I did instead of saying like “Hey that hurt my feelings,” is I explained it away by being loving, like “Oh, I can understand..”

What happens so often with intuitive people is that we can see people’s spirits, but instead of being grounded in the reality of what is true from their actions and how they conduct themselves in a day-to-day manner, we look to who they could be.

We look to what they could achieve, and that doesn’t allow us to be grounded in reality.

There’s a certain part for ourselves where first you have to say, “Am I treating myself with as much love and care as I’m treating other people?”

Good question.

And also, “Do I romanticize good experiences that we’ve had and confuse that for somebody who is at the same level as me?”

People who are intuitive often do a lot of their self-work and are incredibly responsible. Sometimes more responsible than they need to be.

So for me, in this relationship, it was like maybe I’m not x y or z when in reality it wasn’t about me at all and so for there even check in with yourself.

1. You know about yourself. You know who you are to be true by the actions that you take. 

It’s like a catcher’s mitt between yourself and life.

Let’s say you have a friend who constantly downloads on you and leaves you with a bad vibe. And you always feel drained when you’re with them, and maybe they might even say unkind things unconsciously.

Like, “Oh, your hair looks bad today. You should go fix it. Or that’s not really a good color on you. 

Just these little swipes.

Let’s say you’re starting to have some boundaries. My favorite word. And just like, “Hey, that doesn’t feel good, or actually, I’m not available for your phone call.” Maybe they might say you’re a bad friend.

You have to ask yourself through your actions, through the decisions that you’ve made in your life. Is that true?

Is that true? Because it takes the power away from other people, from what can come in, especially if we haven’t built that strong sense of self 

Those things can come into our core and say, “You know that isn’t true. I know by how I conduct myself in the world what is true about me.”

So if you’re in a toxic friendship where you can’t talk, you can’t be honest or give feedback. You can’t grow, and it leaves you feeling drained. Puts you down, talks about things that aren’t really in alignment with you, talks about gossip a lot, and puts down other people.

Toxic friendships also can be slights of people who don’t want you to succeed as much as them. They get jealous and competitive.

We can love their spirit, but again we must be grounded in reality and trust our own vibes and experience enough to make decisions not to get stuck in those same patterns. 

Here are some of the things that we can do:

1. Be direct. It’s our voice is our truth, and so giving direct feedback around what works and what doesn’t work for us. Say “It hurts my feelings when you say that” and speaking from an open heart
2. Have a moment of just saying you know this. These are the things where I’ve grown. These are the things that I need.

We can be brave to end relationships that aren’t good for us because every time you say that this vibration isn’t a match, I trust myself in the universe. 

I can step into a new paradigm into a new place, you up-level your vibration, and you have to say, is this worthy for me? 

Is this as good as it gets? 

Are these relationships as good as it gets?

Is this really true, or am I stuck in an old story? Because It’s more comfortable than being available to somebody who’s a match.

Am I so afraid of being alone that I’ll tolerate bad, narcissistic behavior? Bad vibes and bad friends? Just because that company is good enough?

Because it’s not you’re 100 worth?

So go through your relationships. Does this feed me? Is this a fit? Do I like this? Am I stuck? Do I want more?

Then make decisions centered on that. Look and frame it as an act of self-love.

I am sending you all my love and I hope that you’re having a beautiful day

Leave me a comment below. How have you dealt with toxic relationships and friendships, and what signs have you spotted?

I’ll see you next week!

Sonia